I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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