she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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