i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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