My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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