What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
