Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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