Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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