Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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