His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
