How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
