Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
