Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
