If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
