I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
