Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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