you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
