Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's shark week go big or go home
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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