3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
