Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
