sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
