i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
