it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
