If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
