Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
