I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
