Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
