So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
