I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
