just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
