wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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