Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
