you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize