We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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