if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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