Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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