Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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