Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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