I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
