Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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