If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
