Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
