Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
