I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
