haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
