Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
