You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His nipple licking is glorious
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