Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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