My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
