whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
