I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
