How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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