swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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