it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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