they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
