ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
