Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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