Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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