i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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