my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
