I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
