I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
