dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
