why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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