5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am naked and annoyed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
