It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
