New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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