You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
