they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
