The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
