Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
