everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
