If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize