my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
