why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
