We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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