OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
