It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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