hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize