Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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