So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
