Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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