drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
